Groaner jokes

[Nikole H.]

Here is a list of some "groaner" jokes that my sister emailed me today.  I thought perhaps someone could incorporate them into their act....not all of them are suitable for kids obviously.  I giggled over all of them but I'm a sucker for the groaner jokes.  I'm an easy audience member. :D

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path.

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice Too Long?
Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick!

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef!!!

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers .

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?!
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack , Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer!

Now, admit it.
At least one of these made you smile!

[miguel]

I'm Hispanic, and I don't really understand much jokes from Anglos(Of course I understand what are saying, but I don't find the funny thing to laugh ), but some of those  are good, so funny
Specially #6, 7, 8, 12, 14, 17, 18, 20, 22 (Others too, but those are great. For Hispanic speaking like me, like I said before is difficult to find out the funny thing for Anglo's joke), but you made laugh.

[Chris Arveson]

I thought those one-liners were a GREAT way to begin my Saturday!  (It scares the dog  )

[Nikole H.]

I wanted to also add my favorite groaner joke that my brother in law from Texas taught me.  It sounds much better from him with his southern accent.

What kind of dog will a cowboy tell you to get?
"Get a long little doggie"

HA HA HA  

[Billy D. Fuller]

 

Billy D.

[Wisers Mom]

Thankyou Nikole

You made my day.I can't wait to tell
 these to my grandson.

[jomama]

These two always have to go in this order.

Why'd the 'possum cross the road?
It didn't.

Why'd the chicken cross the road?
To show the 'possum it could be done.

[LittleLovables]

my dad's favorite groaner joke


"I was named after Abraham Lincoln (insert any celebrity here...)

when people respnd "but your name is Jim" or whatever,

"well, I certainly wasn't named BEFORE him!

[Russell2005]

How does batman's mother call him in to eat?

Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner....BATMAN!

[Onath]

Why did the little mermaid where seashells?
Because b shells were to small and d shells were to big.

what does a vegan zombie eat?
GRAIIIIINS!!!

[Archangel]

I'm at a loss for words. Thank you for those, it really brightend my day.

[StiqPuppet Productions]

Nikole...Nikole....Nikole.... ......I love them  thanks for sharing them with us.

Hope all is well.

Daryl H

[Rcdspoon]

what did one polar bear say to the other polar bear...
is it cold out here, or is it just me!

i love the groaners...are there any more out there!!!

Spoon