Hey does anyone have a few jokes or one-liners I could use to incorporate into a reading program which has a tropical, beach, Hawaii type theme?  I would appreciate any help! The school I am doing this show for had originally told me they wanted a general reading promotion program but yesterday they called me and said, "Oh, we are having a tropical, beach theme.  You know grass skirts, flowers that type of thing so if you could use that theme that would be great!"  Okay - this means I have to re-think things a little!!

 Heres one you might want to use as a skit:

A man was walking along a California beach singing to out loud in such a awful voice that all the seagulls and land crabs ran for cover. His voice was completely out of tune. As he was singing, if you want to call it that, and walking, he stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie.

The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp. I'm in no mood today...so... You only get one wish!"

The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii and sing, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to sing?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!!

Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!! No, think of another wish."

The man said, "OK, I'll try to think of a really good wish."

Finally, he said, "I want to sing to world. I want to be able to know all the words to every song.  I want to share my singing with people everywhere!

So, I wish that I could sing day and night. I want the whole world to enjoy my voice.

The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"
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- Maybe at the start of the skit, have your character singing to himself in the worst voice possible. This would establish that the guy has a God-awful singing voice.



Ok, here are some more "Popcicle stick jokes"...lol 

- Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark?
    A: Frostbite!


-  Q:What do you find on a small beach?
     A: Micro-waves!

-Q: Why didn't the shrimp have any friends?
     A:Because he was a bit shellfish!

-Q:What fish goes well with peanut butter?
     A: A jelly fish!

-Q:What is a shark's favorite game?
   A:Swallow the leader

-Q:Why did the whale cross the road?
    A:To get to the other tide!

Sam: I caught two seabass, four ocean salmon, and a panfor.
Max: What's a panfor??
Sam: To cook em in!


-Q: How do you communicate with a fish?
    A:Drop them a line!

-Q:Why do the seagulls fly by the sea?
    A:Because if they flew by the Bay they'd be Bagels!

-Q:What lies at the bottom of the sea and shakes?
    A: A nervous wreck!

-Q:What day do fish hate?
   A:Fry-day!


I hope these can help you in some way 

Puppet Hugs,
Sonny

Here's my contribution to the beach theme humor

Q: How do the sea creatures pay for there gorceries?
A: In Sand dollars!!!!

Popcicle #1:  Hey, I heard you went to the Orca Party.
Popcicle #2:  Yeah, I had a whale of a time.

Popcicle #1:  Have you ever gone fishing with a net.
Popcicle #2:  No, She told me she doesn't like fishing.

Not the best material but knowing kids they'll love them anyway.

THANKS guys!!  I knew I could count on P&S to help me!!

well... if the  show is for grown-ups :

Why do mermaids wear seashells ?

Because B-shells are too small and D shells are too big!

Three ropes went in to a restuarant on Beach side one rope said I would like to order my friends a beverage. The waiter said i'm sorry we don't serve ropes in here.
The ropes left and went to the next establishment and again were told that they did not serve ropes. With much anticipation one rope ask the others to wait out side as he went in yet another establishment with hopes of getting served. He tied himself in a knot and loosened both ends. The rope ask the " Host " Can I get a table for three? the host replied " Are you a rope ?" ............... the rope said, " No, I'm a frayed knot. "

Billy D.

OOO - I could do a rope trick while telling the joke about the ropes at the restaurant!  Great ideas everyone!
THANKS!!

This Topic inspired me to write and illustrate a new kids book called "Tall Ted's Joke Book." I made it during my down time while waiting for the animator to finish my TV show. Well the show is not finished but the book is.
Please advise if it brings a smile to your Dial!
http://www.henryringmaster.com/Tall_Ted_Joke_Book.pdf

Very cute!!  My puppet Lily's book about accessorization just arrived in the mail today! She wants me to start planning her book tour!  What am I going to do with her!  Seriously - if anyone wants to buy an autographed copy let me know (yes Lily has her own autograph stamp so it will be autographed by her too!!)

haha two lanes or for i lvoe that