I need some jokes and riddles to incorporate into a script about building or construction.  You all have come through for me in the past please help again!!

Q. Do you want to hear a construction joke?
A. I'm still working on it.

Two stupid carpenters were working on a house. The one who was nailing the siding on would pull a nail out of his pouch and look at it. Then he would either use it, or throw it over his shoulder. The other one saw him doing this, and asked, "Why are you throwing all those nails away?"

The first said, "Those nails are defective. The point is on the wrong end, pointing away from the wall." The good ones I use.

The second carpenter said, "You dope! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"


A workman was killed at a construction site. The police began questioning a number of the other workers. Based with past brushes with the law, many of these workers were considered prime suspects. They were a motley crew:

The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once but was never charged.

The carpenter thought he was a stud. He tried to frame another man one time.

The glazier went to great panes to conceal his past. He still claims that he didn't do anything; that he was framed.

The painter had a brush with the law several years ago.

The heating, ventilation and air conditioning contractor was known to pack heat. He was arrested once but duct the charges.

The mason was suspect because he gets stoned regularly.

The cabinet maker is an accomplished counter fitter.

The autopsy led the police to arrest the carpenter, who subsequently confessed. The evidence against him was irrefutable, because it was found that the workman, when he died, was hammered.

Q. What is a carpenter's favorite fish?
A. A hammerhead shark!

Thanks Chris! Great start I was hoping you would come through for me!

What can I say? I just love dumb jokes.

This is off the top of my head - you may have to modify it to make it actually funny!
Vent tells puppet he needs a builder, and puppet rummages about and hands him a piece of paper....vent reads it and says "This says it will cost five pounds.....for a big chocolate cake! How's that going to help?" Puppet: "Well, you said you wanted a bill - duh!"
(so bad I'm squirming myself, the kids should love it...)

I know you asked for jokes about a year ago but search for murphy and the bricks in google it is a comedy song about an unlucky builder.