NOT CRYING TO MUCH

Puppet Miranda crying

Plato: Why are crying, Miranda?

M: Because no one cries when they have to.

Plato: What do mean?  

M: Didn't you ever want cry when you couldn't do something or something bothered you?

Plato thinking, putting his hand to his head.  

Plato: Of course.  I wanted to cry when I couldn't paint.

M: Well, cry a little and you'll paint better.

Plato: Okay, thanks, Miranda.    

What you think?    

It has a bit of an anti-climax... My immediate thought was "what the...? What was that about?"

If you add in some backstory about the characters it would be better. Then you can show Miranda helping Plato to 'cry' when trying to paint, rather than having the text explain it to the audience. To be honest, I'm not sure what your aim is with the script... do people really do things better when they have cried first? Is it satirical or meant as a morality play?

I was confused a bit, not sure if I was not smart enough to understand or if I was trying to hard to make it mean more.  What age are you targeting?

First, age targeting 8-10.  Second, this was an idea.  But thanks for the help, Na.

8-10 yr olds are just starting to think abstractly so you don't have to be literal all the time with them. Fairness is a big theme with that age, they think everything should be fair and have a hard time when things are not.  Girls and boys like to compete against each other and play games at that age. They like surprises.  I like to start out with a few puppets and build to bigger finish to keep their attention longer.  I am looking for a good snappy comeback phrase for the snotty kid who hollers out "this is boring" for all to hear.  They are so used to constant entertainment and stimulation these days.  Keep trying, your first idea was better than my first scripts, it will come easier the more you do it. I learned what worked and did not work on the job, maybe it worked one time and then next it time it got a different reaction. Practice makes perfect, if the subject is interesting to you it might be to others also.

Thank you, Snail.